I am on vacation with my wonderful wife at the beach. I'm sitting on the great porch drinking a gin and tonic, looking out into the ocean and I start thinking about the Nam. How come I can enjoy this life so much when my brothers from my earlier life have left this earth. Guilt, Guilt, guilt. It never leaves you. I look at the skies and see Vietnam images, I hear helicopeters flying overhead, I listen to music and remember Vietnam. I close my eyes and see it all again. It will never go away. no matter how much you drink, do drugs, or put yourself through "therapy" it will always be there. I miss those guys and those days when you didn't know if you were going to live or die. Sometimes I think that Louie and the others were the lucky ones. I got a great family and a good job to go to but I can't shake the feeling that Louie and the others are calling me. I'm not stupid, I know its the PTSD but it damn sure don't make it no easier. The booze just makes it more comfortable. The f###ing idiots in DC and those who want to be in DC are a bunch of woosies who will send our sons and now our duaghters into harms way just to get a little more oil, or whatever. F##k them.
I ain't gonna get no better. All I can hope for is to be a good husband and father and f##k the rest of it.

Peace

Vietnam

Been awhile since I've written in this post. Just when you think you've about got to a place where you can handle it all Vietnam rears its ugly head. All I have done today is think about Vietnam and those I left behind. I knew it was going to be a bad day because right off the bat the subject of Vietnam came up. Many have asked me if I am going to the "Welcome Home" celebration in Charlotte in March. Probably not. Whats the point. This should have happened a long time ago. Then I heard from a couple of guys from the Ia Drang and that didn't help matters any. Depressing to say the least. Survivors guilt to say the least and when you try to explain it no one understands. Yeah they say they do but you can look into their eyes and tell they don't. Only other Vietnam Vets understand. When will this shit stop?
Peace